


The Phantom of Arthur Pendragon

by marvelxpendragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Dark Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelxpendragon/pseuds/marvelxpendragon
Summary: In which the Great Dragon helps Merlin in saving the life of the Once and Future King, but the consequences take a road darker than what Merlin ever imagined they would—one that involved getting his own life threatened by the hands of the dearest man to his heart.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 137





	The Phantom of Arthur Pendragon

“Please.” Merlin begged the magical creature that stood tall in front of him, blocking the sunlight out of his face.

Merlin was on the verge of losing it all; Arthur was lying by the lake, his last breaths leaving him, and he had no idea what to do. If his magic isn’t enough to save his king, then what is?

“The matters of life and death shall not be meddled with, even by the greatest of sorcerers.” The dragon shook his head.

“He cannot die.” Merlin fumbled with his hands in anxiousness, trying to hold back his tears, but eventually failing as a tear rolled down his cheek. “There’s no point in me living if he dies.”

“Your future holds greater things than you could ever imagine, young warlock.” Kilgharrah argued, ignoring what Merlin said about Arthur.

“I don’t want it!” Merlin shouted, his heart heavy in his chest. “I don’t want a future without Arthur in it.” He looked down, wiping away his tears. He didn’t even want to think about it.

He _will_ save Arthur.

“I may have the power you need to save Arthur, but you must promise me something.” Kilgharrah looked at him cautiously.

“Anything.” Merlin immediately answered, unable to contain his desperation anymore. “I will ask no more favours; you will spend your last days in peace.”

The dragon cackled at Merlin’s words, throwing his head back. “You know that your favours were never of trouble, Merlin. A dragon cannot simply disobey his lord.” He briefly bowed his head, before his expression went serious again.

“Then what is it that you want me to promise you?” Merlin asked, puzzled.

“Whatever your decision will be, you must promise me that you will accept the consequences.”

“Whatever it takes, just please, let me save him.” Merlin assured, not really knowing what Kilgharrah meant, but it was the only way to save Arthur, and he wasn’t going to let this chance slip away from his hands. Not this time.

The dragon took a deep breath, before he forcefully exhaled it in Merlin’s direction. Merlin struggled to keep his feet on the ground from how strong it was. As soon as Kilgharrah was done, he somehow felt stronger; more capable. His insides buzzed with adrenaline as he looked up at the magical creature, flashing him a grin.

“Thank you.” Merlin breathed.

“Farewell, young warlock.” The dragon said as he spread his wings, and weakly took off, flying away.

Although he and Kilgharrah weren’t always on good terms, Merlin appreciated the times he helped him in; especially this time. He ran back to Arthur, who was now unconscious, which sparked fear inside Merlin. But not for long, because as soon as he reached him, he rested his hand on his forehead and started performing the spell. He saw a brief flash of light through the fingers of the hand he had on Arthur’s forehead, before it died down again, ending the spell with it. Merlin slowly took his hand off of Arthur and watched him closely, waiting for his eyes to open, for his chest to rise and fall in a breath. He waited for a silly joke from him, a dumb nickname, an insult, anything. He just wanted him back.

And it happened.

Arthur’s eyes fluttered open, a confused expression written across his face, before he saw Merlin.

“Merlin.” He called, sitting up. His nose was still scrunched up. Merlin knew that Arthur always did that whenever he was confused, disgusted, or terribly angry at him. But right now, Merlin couldn’t decide which one of them it was. But it doesn’t matter; as long as he’s is okay.

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh in joy, tears falling down his cheeks again. “Are you okay? Do you feel anything?” He offered to help Arthur up to his feet, but he shocked Merlin by rejecting his hand of help.

“I’m fine.” He muttered. His eyes looked down at himself, his hand examining where he was once wounded.

“Arthur, are you—” Merlin approached him again, wanting to make sure that he was alright, but Arthur’s hand came up, stopping him in his tracks. 

“Don’t.” He warned in a deep tone. “Stay where you are.”

Merlin stood in his place; confusion written all over his features. Maybe he needed time to process what happened. One does not simply die and come back like nothing happened. So, maybe Arthur needed a little time. 

“You did this?” He pointed at the blood that stained his armour from his previous injury.

“Yes, I—I used my magic to save you, Arthur.” Merlin nervously stammered, remembering clearly that Arthur knew about him.

“Your magic.” Arthur pursed his lips in thought, before he looked up at Merlin, an unreadable expression on his face.

He slowly approached Merlin, drawing his dragon-forged sword as he spoke. “Are you sure, _Merlin_ ,” He pointed the blade at him, and Merlin felt like he lost all the sense in the world, the longer Arthur talked. “That this is the only thing you’ve done?”

Merlin’s eyes glanced down at the sword that was now dangerously close to his chest, before he looked back up at Arthur. “Arthur, you already know—”

“It’s Sire, to you, by the way. And don’t you dare lie to me, Merlin.” Arthur gritted his teeth, the point of the sword now touching his chest.

Merlin’s eyes teared up; he didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t know what changed Arthur’s mind all of a sudden. Merlin’s faith in Arthur could shake mountains, and yet here he was, threatening his life right after he got his back. _Because of Merlin_. Merlin wanted to speak up for himself, he wanted to shout at Arthur, what is wrong with you? What changed your mind? But he couldn’t. All that came out was merely a whisper.

“I thought you didn’t want me to change…” Arthur let out a cold laugh at what Merlin said, crushing all the hope he had with it. 

“I almost forgot about the nonsense you used to say all the time, Merlin.”

“Nonsense?” He breathed; feeling his insides twist with pain.

“Now is not the time for your stupidity.” That really hit Merlin hard.

“You know what? Maybe, I am stupid.” He glanced to the side, before he spoke out his thoughts.

“I was stupid enough to think that death changed you.” He looked at Arthur with a mixture of disgust and pain in his eyes.

“Is that really what you thought?” Arthur raised his eyebrows, gripping his sword tighter in his hand and approaching Merlin. 

“Yes.” Merlin dared to reply. He stood still, showing no signs of weakness in any way. Until Arthur was just inches away from him, the length of his weapon being the only distance between them.

“I think there is something you need to learn, Merlin,” He dug the point of the blade into Merlin’s skin and slowly dragged it to the side, closer to the middle of his chest, causing it to create a cut right above his heart. 

“When you speak to _your king_ , you show some respect!” He snapped, shoving Merlin to the ground and pulling away the sword.

Merlin stared down at the blood that trickled down his skin; tears following. This is not right. It has to be. That is not Arthur.

Arthur carelessly wiped the tip of his sword clean, looking at it in disgust, before he fixed his gaze back on Merlin who sat on his knees, his mind spinning. It wasn’t his wound that hurt. It was everything that's happening now. He longed to hear Arthur’s voice again, he longed to engulf him in a bone-crushing hug and tell him how he would never want to lose him again. But now, as he stood in front of his very own eyes, Merlin couldn’t recognise him. There was something wrong in the way he sounded, the way he moved, the way his bright blue eyes were now overshadowed by a deeper colour.

That’s not his Arthur.

“You do know that sorcery is a crime, right?” Arthur casually asked, resting his sword next to him.

“Why, you are going to have me executed?” He bitterly asked.

“So, you’re not that stupid after all.” Arthur smirked. “However,” He looked up at the sky, like he was searching for something. “I could spare your life if you do as I ask.”

Merlin’s eyes looked away, not wanting to look at him. The fresh wound in his chest hurt, but he didn’t care. Something deeper than that cut hurt more. He gave no response. “I’ll take that as a yes, sire.”

“When I was by the lake,” Arthur ignored Merlin’s silence. “I heard you shout in an unknown language. What were you doing?”

“Why does it matter to you?” Merlin spat.

“It’s your life we’re talking about, Merlin. Not mine. So, whether you like it or not, you _will_ answer me, or die a horrible death.” Arthur was bent down, staring him right in the eyes as he spoke. “Your call.” He patted Merlin’s shoulder rather roughly and turned his back to him, walking away.

Merlin still couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Why was Arthur acting like this? He made it clear to Merlin that he was prouder than ever of who he was and of everything he did. Or was he just saying that because he was dying?

“I don’t have all day, Merlin.” Arthur snapped.

“I was calling for a dragon.” Merlin regretfully admitted, his eyes fixed on the grass.

“The Great Dragon?!” Arthur angrily asked. “You’re a Dragonlord _and_ a sorcerer.” He said, as if he has disappointed him in the worst way possible.

Merlin looked up at him challengingly as he spoke, “The last Dragonlord.”

“But, Balinor, he—”

“Is my father.” Merlin cut him off, finishing his words for him.

“You…” He watched as all the anger in the world gathered in Arthur’s eyes. “You had the power to kill that creature and you didn’t! You watched your king get hurt and did nothing!”

Each word that left Arthur’s lips felt like a dagger that was thrown at him, because he was wrong. He did do everything he could. 

“I sent him away! And he never came back as I ordered.” Merlin argued.

He has always hated fighting with Arthur. And this was hurting him more than anything else. This was no usual banter of theirs. This was something way worse. 

“But you didn’t kill it.” Arthur frowned in disapproval.

“I can’t.” Merlin shook his head. “It’s my duty to protect his kind.”

“Here comes the nonsense again.” Arthur rolled his head back in boredom.

“He has helped me so many times, Arthur. He helped me bring you back.” Merlin tried to convince him; clinging onto his last hope.

Arthur stood silent for a few minutes, his eyes lingering on his feet, before he looked back up at Merlin with a small smile. “Then I should thank him in person.”

“What?” Merlin asked, yet again surprised.

“You said it yourself. You sent him away, he never did us any harm since then, and he helped you save my life. I owe him just as much as I owe you.” He genuinely said, proving all of Merlin’s previous thoughts wrong.

He was right. Arthur just needed some time to wrap his mind around everything that happened. He didn’t care about the wound in his chest, he didn’t care about what Arthur said to him. He knew that Arthur could never hurt him.

“There might be a little trouble, though.” Merlin said, finally getting up to his feet and ignoring the continuous burning in his skin.

“What is it?”

“I told him that I will not disturb him again.” Merlin nervously rubbed the back of his head.

“Oh, come on, Merlin. I’m sure you can do something about that.” Arthur squeezed his shoulder, encouraging him. “Go ahead, summon him.”

Merlin couldn’t help but feel a little relieved at the sudden change of mood in Arthur. A Pendragon, thanking the Great Dragon in person for saving their life is worth the call, right? 

Merlin took a deep breath before he screamed the words at the top of his lungs and waited for the creature to arrive. A few seconds later, Merlin saw him floating in the air before he landed right in front of him. Arthur stood a few steps behind, watching closely.

“I see you have achieved your goal, young warlock.” His eyes glanced at Arthur then back at him.

“Yes.” Merlin grinned.

“What is it that you wanted?” The dragon asked.

“Arthur wanted to thank you in person when I told him that you helped me bring him back.” He proudly said.

“I’m sure he does.” Kilgharrah laughed, confusing Merlin.

“What are you—” Merlin paused; his confusion turning into a horrible realisation as he felt the cold metal against the back of his neck, causing him to shudder. He didn’t dare turn around. He couldn’t.

He felt Arthur’s hot breath against his ear as he whispered over his shoulder. “Kill it, _Dragonlord_.”

Merlin cautiously turned around, his lips trembling from how hard he was trying not to cry again. “What?” He whispered.

“There’s a reason why father had it imprisoned, Merlin.” He nonchalantly said, fuelling Merlin’s rising anger.

There it was. The last hope he was clinging to, gone, crumpled like a useless piece of paper in Arthur’s hand. The darkness he saw earlier in his eyes was clearer than ever. And he is back to referring to the dragon as ‘it’, again. Arthur lied to him. _Fooled_ him; and he was stupid enough to believe him. His head was spinning from how many emotions were washing over him as he stood facing Arthur.

“I won’t kill him.” Merlin finally said.

Arthur laughed a full-hearted laugh, “You would lay down your life for a monster?!”

“Right now, the only monster here is you.” Merlin coldly stated. “This is—It can’t be real.” He shook his head.

“It’s your life against his. The choice is yours.” Arthur spat, completely unfazed by Merlin’s previous insult to him, before he turned around and walked in the opposite direction, tucking his sword away.

Merlin turned back to the old dragon, not knowing what to do or say.

“Do as your king said, Merlin.” Kilgharrah said.

“No.” He snapped. “He doesn’t get to hurt me like that after I saved him. This is not the Arthur I knew.” He gritted his teeth, a tear sliding down his cheek.

“Whether you like it or not, young warlock, it _is_ Arthur Pendragon.” The dragon confirmed.

“No, it can’t be.” Merlin argued, still not believing that _Arthur_ would willingly do what he did.

“I’m a thousand years old.” Kilgharrah weakly smiled at him. “I have lived long enough to witness excellence and failure, and you, Emrys, you’re the greatest of the great.”

“I am supposed to protect you, not—” He paused, trying to voice his words. “Not kill you.”

“I am already dying, young warlock. You will just put me to rest.” He warmly said.

“I can’t—I can’t do it.”

“You can do anything you set your mind to, Merlin.” He encouraged, but Merlin couldn’t see himself doing it.

“Remember the promise you made.” He warned, looking down closely at him.

Merlin stood silent; his fists curled on either side of him. He hated everything that was happening. He hated the situation he was left in. He was supposed to choose between his life and the life of a creature he has sworn to protect? And by whom? _Arthur?_ It didn’t make sense. Nothing did. Ever since he and Kilgharra’s paths crossed together, he has been walking around carrying the weight of his destiny on his shoulders. A destiny that has never felt heavier than right now.

Merlin had learnt that his gifts were given to him for a purpose. It wasn’t until he found out that this purpose was to protect Arthur at all costs. Since then, his uses of magic were always for Arthur; he barely used it for his own benefit. Never would he have imagined that there will come a day, and he would use it against Arthur. He wouldn’t dare hurt him, even if he wasn’t doing the same right now.

“You said that I’d have to accept the consequences of my decision, but I didn’t promise not to fight them.” Merlin sternly said. He watched as the creature’s expression turned to a pitiful one, but Merlin ignored it.

“Leave.” He quietly said.

“I’m forever indebted to you, Emrys.” The dragon briefly bowed his head. Merlin nodded at him before Kilgharrah spread his wings and flew away.

He turned back and his eyes landed on Arthur who was fixing the saddle on his horse before he noticed the sudden wind, signalling Kilgharrah’s departure. His eyes burned at Merlin’s from the distance as he neared him. He stormed his way towards Merlin, and stood a few inches away from Merlin, his neck veins showing from how angry he seemed.

“Out of all the stupid things you have done, Merlin,” Arthur started, pointing at the sky. “This was by far, the stupidest of them all.” He smirked, crossing his arms over his armour-covered chest.

“And what you’re doing is smart?” Merlin grimaced.

“I’m doing the right thing. The one thing I couldn’t do earlier.” He said, referring to when Merlin told him about his magic.

“And killing me is the right thing to do..?” Merlin breathed, dreading the words that he was going to hear.

“The way I see it, yes.” Arthur confirmed, triggering the last ounce of patience Merlin had.

“I saved your life!” Merlin shouted in anger.

“And I would have rather died than be saved by a _sorcerer_.” 

Merlin scoffed, trying not to bitterly laugh at what Arthur said.

At this point, he was done trying to find excuses for what Arthur was doing. He was done trying not to fight for what was left of his dignity. He did not deserve any of what has happened to him so far, and he had a right to stand up for himself, even if that meant fighting Arthur.

Merlin scoffed, trying not to bitterly laugh at what Arthur said. “Are you really that oblivious?” 

Arthur furrowed his brows, “To what exactly?” 

Merlin looked down and shook his head. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that all the times he miraculously survived something, it was magic. He doesn’t know that his own father; the man who killed thousands of Merlin’s kind, turned to magic when he was at his weakest. He doesn’t know that Morgause wasn’t lying that day, and Merlin was just trying to protect him like he always did.

“To the fact that your whole existence depends on magic, Arthur.” Merlin daringly held his chin high as he spoke.

“What are you saying?” Arthur seethed, taking a couple of steps in Merlin’s direction.

“Guess daddy’s little secret is no longer a secret, now.” Merlin pushed.

“Choose your words carefully, _Merlin_.” Arthur warned, his tone low.

“Or what?” Merlin challenged.

“Or I’ll kill you.” He raised his eyebrows, reminding him once again that he would easily do it.

“But you haven’t heard me out yet.” Merlin casually replied.

“Why should I?” 

“Because you deserve to know the truth.” 

“Really.” Arthur narrowed his eyes impatiently, hinting that he was far from interested in any word Merlin has just said.

“That day, when Morgause let you see your mother, she wasn’t lying.” Merlin blurted out. 

“Liar.” Arthur argued, his jaw clenched. “My father _would never_ do that.” He said, immediately catching onto what Merlin was trying to remind him of.

“But he did; and you cannot deny it.” Merlin’s eyes glanced at his hand that was gripping the hilt of his sword, before he looked back up at the fuming Arthur in front of him.

“Everything you are today, everything you have achieved in your _life_ is all because of magic, Arthur Pendragon. You cannot escape who you are.” He finally said, stepping back but still holding a straight face. 

Now that Uther was dead, and Arthur would not try to kill him for doing this to him, it was almost the perfect chance to break to him that he was indeed born out of magic. _Almost._

Merlin watched as Arthur drew his sword, holding it with ease as his eyes darted to Merlin. “You are so dead.” He spoke; his tone filled with barely tamed rage.

“You don’t want to do this.” Merlin shook his head.

“I have never wanted something more in my life.” Arthur swung his sword in the air, signalling that he was about to strike. 

Merlin’s fists curled by his sides; a tingling sensation starting to build up inside them.

“You don’t stand a chance.” Merlin warned, feeling his energy peak with every stride Arthur took towards him.

“It seems to me that you have forgotten that I’ve been trained to kill since birth, Merlin.” Arthur smugly remarked, waving his sword once again before he raised his arm above his head and aimed at Merlin.

“And you forgot that I can take you apart with _less than one blow_.” Merlin replied, before he pushed his hand into the air as bright flares of orange peeked through his fingers, causing Arthur to stop in his tracks and fall to the ground, his sword following suit. His body lay limp, his eyes softly closed, shielding his rage and hatred filled eyes that stared into Merlin’s seconds before he knocked him out.

Merlin wasted no time and dragged his body across the field of green to where their horses were. The spell he casted was enough to knock Arthur out for a few hours, long enough for them to reach Camelot while he was still unconscious. He heaved Arthur up onto his horse and hopped onto his own, heading back to the kingdom. Throughout the ride, Merlin couldn’t help but replay all what has happened in the past two days in his mind. Morgana’s death, Mordred’s death, _Arthur’s death_ , and then… _this_ . He still couldn’t believe that Arthur, _his Arthur_ , would do this to him. Did he really hate him this much? Was he really showing him empathy just because _he_ was the one who needed it when he knew he was leaving this life?

Merlin pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, and didn’t let them cloud his already strained mind, because the person who laid on the horse behind him wasn’t Arthur; that was just a vessel, and Merlin was almost sure that Arthur’s phantom was trapped somewhere in there. Hours later, as Merlin assumed, they arrived at Camelot. Arthur was taken to his chambers and well taken care of, while Merlin rushed to meet the only person who would help him the most, right now. He busted the doors to his chambers open and saw the old man jump at the sudden sound.

“Merlin!” He sighed in relief; joy dancing in his eyes.

“Gaius.” Merlin blew out, a grin forming on his lips at the sight of his mentor.

Gaius engulfed him in a hug, rubbing his hand up and down his back, showing how relieved he was for seeing him again.

“What happened to you?” He pulled away, his eyes observing his appearance.

“Long story.” Merlin sighed.

Gaius gestured for him to sit down so that he could examine him, while Merlin told him everything.

“You did the right thing, Merlin.” Gaius assured, after Merlin was done.

“I’m not really sure about that.” Merlin bitterly joked. His eyes stared at Gaius’ hands while he cleaned his wound. “You should have seen him, Gaius.”

He covered the injured spot on Merlin’s chest with a piece of gauze, before looking back intently at him, his brows knit together in deep thought while Merlin spoke. “The person who did this, is not Arthur. I know it.” He shook his head.

“Arthur would never hurt me.”

“But, he did, Merlin.” Gaius responded; his voice latched with sadness.

“And you out of all people, know that Arthur’s sword is no mortal blade, it will take time to heal.”

“I don’t care.” Merlin replied, his gaze fixed on his feet. “Nothing about what I told you makes sense, Gaius.” He insisted.

“Perhaps, it is a downside to the spell you used to revive him.” Gaius stated.

“That’s the only logical explanation at this point.” Merlin pursed his lips in thought.

“I assume what Arthur is experiencing is temporary, and he should be back to his senses when he wakes up.” He explained. “How long has he been out?”

“Hours.” Merlin said, remembered. “I knocked him out just in time.”

“I’m sorry, Merlin.” Gaius patted his knee.

Heavy silence fell between them, before Merlin was startled by the doors opening, revealing two of Arthur’s guards.

“The King wants to see you.” One of them announced.

\--

_Merlin abandons him right before they leave for Camlan._

_Him waking up in the middle of the night to go to war._

_Him fighting Morgana’s men on his own._

_Him being helped by a mysterious sorcerer in the middle of the battle._

_Him being stabbed by Mordred._

_Him dying.._

His body jerked awake, his hands frantically feeling over where he was hurt, finding nothing. He glanced around him, and found that he was no longer by the lake. He was in his own bed, covered in his usual clothes. No one was in sight. He was all alone. His mind went back to the memories that forced him out of his sleep. 

Bright purple light flashed before him along with the booming sound of thunder that accompanied it, echoing in his ears. The image of the unknown helper could not leave his mind. He remembers the man’s skinny figure, he remembers seeing his long hair swaying with the wind as he stood in the far distance. Arthur could not remember his face, but something about that man’s appearance felt familiar. It was like he had seen him before, but he couldn’t remember when or where. 

He sat upright in his bed, and recalled everything that happened before he woke up here.

_Merlin._

\--

Merlin and Gaius made their way to Arthur’s chambers. The guards opened the doors for them, and Merlin stepped in first. He found Arthur resting in his bed, shooting both Gaius and Merlin a soft smile. His face was no longer covered in dirt, and he was no longer weighed down by his armour. He was wearing a white shirt that hugged his masculine form, fitting him perfectly.

“Come in, Gaius.” Arthur gestured for him to follow Merlin into the room.

“It’s good to have you back, sire.” Gaius stated respectfully, before he shot Merlin a ‘I told you so’ look.

Gaius approached Arthur to check up on him once again, and after he was done, Merlin heard him mumble a ‘thank you’ to Gaius. 

“If you will excuse me, now, sire.” He nodded, squeezing Merlin’s shoulder in assurance on his way out.

Merlin stood a few feet away from Arthur’s bed, with a sceptical look on his face. He was completely taken aback by the once again sudden change in Arthur’s behaviour. _Is he pretending again?_ Merlin couldn’t help but ask, but his thoughts were interrupted too soon.

“I understand if you don’t want to come any closer.” Arthur said, looking down at his hands.

Merlin gulped, dreading the whole conversation he is about to have with him. He stepped a bit closer, allowing himself a better look at Arthur’s features.

“I don’t know what took over me, I shouldn’t have attacked you like that, I—I’m so sorry, Merlin.” Arthur looked up at him, and Merlin’s heart was shattered at the sight.

Arthur’s eyes were brimmed with red, tears pooling in them. His cheeks were flushed with red, signalling that he was trying not to cry. Merlin’s hands slightly shook by his sides, scared, hurt, confused. He wants to believe him. He desperately wants to, but the last time he did that, things didn’t go quite well.

“Merlin, say something.” Arthur pushed. “You don’t believe me, do you?” A tear streamed down his cheek.

“I want to believe you, Arthur. More than anything.” Merlin fought his own tears as he spoke.

There was only one way to find out.

“Do you remember what I did to prove to you that I’m a—”

“Yes, Merlin. I remember. It was one of the many beautiful things you have done with your magic.” Merlin watched as a saddened look washed over his face. “I just didn’t realise it back then.”

“What else—”

Arthur held up one finger, stopping Merlin. “I just want you to know that,” He took a deep breath. “I am not my father, Merlin. I know that this is quite hard to believe at the moment, but I can assure you, that you never have to live in fear again.”

“What you did, letting the dragon go, in honour of your father,” Arthur smiled. “That was brave, Merlin.”

And that was it. That was all it took for Merlin to crumble like a leaf by Arthur’s side onto the bed. His lips were parted in a silly grin, tears filling his eyes.

“I’m so sorry I put you through all of that.” He apologised once more.

Merlin shook his head, not caring about anything else other than the fact that Arthur was back. “I thought I’d lost you.” He sniffed.

“Thought you could get rid of me that easily, Merlin?” His face matched Merlin’s with a full smile.

“You? The Royal Prat of Camelot? I think not.” Merlin shook his head in refusal, earning a laugh from Arthur.

Arthur’s laughter died down, leaving him with a soft look that gazed back at Merlin. This was everything. Arthur safe, and back as himself again. He doesn’t want to remember what happened today, he doesn’t want to use his magic against Arthur again, he just wanted peace. Merlin broke their eye contact, looking down at his red tunic.

“I, uh, I will leave you to rest.” Merlin shortly nodded, standing up.

Arthur startled him by grabbing his hand, “Thank you, Merlin.” He shot up a smile at him.

Merlin placed his hand over Arthur’s and softly patted it, smiling back at him. His grip loosened around Merlin’s hand, before he walked away. He tried to ignore the emptiness he felt in his hand after the brief moment he had with Arthur on his way out. Merlin reached out to open the door, glancing once more at Arthur who stared back at him with the same soft look.

Merlin stepped out of the room, and hell broke loose.

“ _Guards, seize him!_ ” Arthur’s voice blared in Merlin’s ears.

In a split second, Merlin’s arms were harshly grabbed, and he was forced away from Arthur’s chambers. He doesn’t understand… Arthur was just fine in there, he was—he was _real_ . Merlin was too shocked to fight the guards off and storm back into his room. _Too hurt_. Everything went back to the start. No logic, not explanation, no telling what was true and what was not. It wasn’t until he was shoved down to the cold floor of the cell that he was pulled out of his trance.

\--

Arthur had everything planned out. He knew that everyone around him would try to stop him from having Merlin executed, especially his knights, and that’s why he sent after Sir Leon. A knock came on the door before it opened, and Leon walked in. He held a soft grin to his face at the sight of Arthur, which meant that the news of Merlin being captured has not reached him yet. And it won’t, if his plan worked.

“Sire.” He briefly bowed his head. “It’s good to see you well.” 

“Likewise, Sir Leon.” Arthur shook his hand.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” 

“Yes.” Arthur nodded, pretending to look in deep thought. “After the events of yesterday, I fear that some of Morgana’s men are still out there seeking revenge.” 

“That is possible, sire.” Sir Leon agreed. “What would you like us to do?” 

“I cannot trust anyone with this,” Arthur stressed. “I need you to ride tonight with Sir Percival. Gather as many men as want and rid Camelot of them.” 

“But wouldn’t it be better to ride by day? I mean, after Sir Gwaine..” He paused, looking uneasily at him.

“What about him?” 

“We lost Sir Gwaine last night, sire.” His eyes drifted to his feet in sorrow.

“That’s a shame.” Arthur briefly looked away. 

“But the quicker we are, the better, Sir Leon.” Arthur lied once again, pleased that Sir Leon went with it, although he caught a glimpse of disagreement in his eyes.

“Yes, sire.” He nodded.

“Alright, off you go.” Arthur forced a small smile. 

Sir Leon’s expression matched his as he walked towards the door, stopping to say one more thing before he left. “Send my greetings to Merlin, in case I don’t see him before leaving.” 

“Of course.” Arthur smiled and once the door was shut, his lips turned into a slight smirk. 

Minutes later, Arthur headed out of his chambers to pay Merlin a little visit in his cell. On his way, he spotted Guinevere walking towards him. She must have been on her way to see him, because this was the first time he saw her today. 

“Arthur!” She gasped in relief, instantly wrapping her arms around him.

“Guinevere.” He replied with much less emotion, casually hugging her back. 

“We thought we’d lost you.” She sadly looked at him. 

“Yet here I am.” He shrugged, forcing a smile.

“Where’s Merlin? I need to tell him what the maids are saying about him.” She covered her mouth, trying to stop herself from laughing.

“What are they saying?” Arthur asked, rather concerned.

“They’re saying that you ordered your men to seize him.” This time she didn’t stop herself and laughed.

Arthur did not even smile at the news. Instead, he started thinking of a way to play along. 

“Right.” Arthur fake-laughed. “Let’s sit in my chambers for a while, yeah?” He grabbed her arm and urged her to walk with him.

“Didn’t you just walk out of there?” She asked, sounding confused.

“I was looking for you.” He smiled.

She smiled back and stayed silent all the way back to his room, until they got in there, she stifled another laugh. 

“It can’t be true.” She shook her head, her eyes shining with tears of laughter. “Can it?” 

Arthur’s expression stayed solid, showing no emotion. His hand was hovering over the key that was resting in his pocket behind his back. Guinevere’s smile faded, and changed into a worried look.

“Arthur?” She peered at him. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” 

“It’s true. What you’ve heard.” He said, stepping back so that her hand fell from where it was on his chest.

“What?” She whispered. “You must be joking.” She slowly shook her head in disbelief.

“Do I look like I am?” He coldly asked. 

Why is it so hard for people to grasp that Merlin deserved to be punished? Did they really think that low of him? Did they think that he would break the rules his father spent a lifetime keeping, for a _servant?_

“Where is he?” She urgently asked.

“That is none of your business.” He snapped.

“He saved your life!” She shrieked.

“He is a _sorcerer._ ” Arthur argued.

“Whom you couldn’t last a day without.” She emphasised, her eyes brimming with tears now.

She furiously turned around and made her way to the door but Arthur was quick to reach the door before her, blocking her way.

“I’m not going to watch you destroy your life with your own hands.” She tried to fight her way past him but he pinned her hands by her sides and in a swift move, he pushed her further into the room and kicked the door open. He slid out of it and slammed it back shut, locking it with the key.

“Arthur!” He heard her scream. “Open the door!” She kept banging on the door.

Arthur ignored her continuous screams and directed his gaze to the guards that were standing by the door. “Leave, and if you say a word, your heads will be the price.” He watched as the two men bowed and quietly scurried away.

Arthur strode his way to where the old dungeons were, his mind racing with thoughts. Arthur has known about the old dungeons since he was a child. His father had them built to torture sorcerers to death, as a price for what they have done. He wished that his father could be with him now, and tell him that he was proud of him for the decision he made. His stomach twisted at the memory of his father’s death. His father died because of the one thing he always fought, and Arthur couldn’t shake the guilt he felt for ever trying to use magic to save him. If he ever finds the sorcerer who--

Arthur stopped in his tracks, the image of an old man with long white hair and a beard that extended almost to his stomach burned in the back of his head. His mind went back to the man he saw his figure during the battle, and his heart banged in his chest. The resemblance between the two was not hard to notice. It was like the face just matched the thin bent figure. Slowly, Arthur began to recognise the man, his features becoming clearer by the second. Wrinkled skin, yellow crooked teeth, a hoarse aging voice, and an all too familiar pair of blue eyes that he could identify like the back of his hand. 

_I defeated the Saxons. It was me._

His words rang in Arthur’s ears. If he was the one who showed up at Camlann, then…

Merlin used his magic and killed Uther right before his eyes.

\--

Merlin was cooped up against one of the walls, out of breath. His whole body ached as he sat there. He has been trying to get out of his lock-up, but for some reason, every time he tried, his magic reflected back at him, sending him flying against the back wall. He tried once, twice, until he lost count, and the last time he tried, he couldn’t conjure up his power because of how weak his body was, right now. He wanted to get out of here more than anything else. If he wanted to figure out what happened to Arthur, then getting out was the first step. _Which he couldn’t do._

As if on cue, he heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching, and the familiar stomp made him recognise who has come to visit him. 

“Not so strong now, huh?” Arthur mocked, crouching down to take a closer look at him. 

At this point, he just wanted to know where he went wrong. Was he wrong for wanting to save him? Was it too selfish of him that he didn’t want to live without him? Was he too blinded by his faith in Arthur that he couldn’t see it coming? Now that he was locked up and drained of his powers, it all makes sense. Arthur has shown him his true colours, and proved Merlin wrong every time he tried to see the good in him.

But he saw him cry. He held his hand and thanked him. He remembered when Merlin revealed his magic to him. He was proud of him for letting Kilgharrah go. All of that… _wasn’t real?_

“Tell me, Merlin,” He scooted closer to the bars that separated them. “How does it feel? Knowing that you walked yourself right to your death?” It was as if he was waiting for this moment his whole life, which tugged at Merlin’s heart. 

He managed to get to his feet and approached Arthur, so much rage building inside him. Arthur followed, easily standing up, unlike Merlin who struggled to keep his composure. He gripped the cold metal rods with his hands for support. 

“Why are you doing this?” Merlin whispered the one question he has wanted to ask for a long time now.

“Oh, we will get to that, eventually.” Arthur smirked.

“One tear was all it took.” He chuckled. 

“God, you’re so naïve.” Merlin almost winced at the meaning behind his words, that he was mocking his love to him, but he gave no reaction. This was no time for him to break.

“Me.” Merlin bitterly chuckled. “I hope you are well aware of the fact that this,” Merlin gestured at the space around him. 

“Can’t keep me away from you forever, _sire._ ” He noted, although he wasn’t really sure if that was true; if he was actually capable of fighting for himself as easily as he did earlier today. 

“Of course!” Arthur exclaimed, taking out a key with one hand from his pocket. 

“I hate to break it to you, Merlin, but this is no ordinary cell.” He glanced at him with pride in his eyes. “But judging from the way you look, I think you have already figured that out.” 

“What—what do you mean?” Merlin frowned, taking a few steps back. 

Arthur unlocked the door to the small space Merlin was kept in and walked closer to him. 

“My father,” He started, clenching his fists around Merlin’s shirt. “Had these dungeons designed specially, for the likes of you. Every time you try to escape, you end up _weaker._ Your magic can’t help you now, _sorcerer_.” He spoke menacingly low, sending chills down Merlin’s spine.

“Why are you doing this?” Merlin repeated his question, shaking his head. He yanked Arthur’s hands away from him (or more likely Arthur let him) as he felt like all the air was knocked out of his chest.

“It’s not just _why_ I’m doing this. It’s _how_ I did not do this earlier. How I was so stupid to not notice the similarity.” He scoffed, and Merlin had no idea what Arthur was talking about.

“You said that _you_ were the one who turned up at Camlann, right?” He asked.

“Yes.” Merlin confidently answered.

“I saw you. I saw the sorcerer who struck the ground with his staff and sent people to their deaths in a second.” He was looking down somewhere beneath them.

“I also saw the sorcerer who killed my father _in front of me_ with magic.” Arthur sneered, his eyes piercing through Merlin’s now.

“You can’t be serious.” He must have misheard him. He knew how it all looked that day and he hated it. The spell was supposed to work.

“Isn’t this the truth? Isn’t this what _you_ wanted?” He sarcastically asked.

But it wasn’t. He did not willingly kill Uther. He was sure that the spell would heal him, but he doesn’t know what happened. And that was certainly not what Merlin meant by the truth. 

He knew that whatever he said, Arthur would not believe him. If he had believed him at all, they wouldn’t have been here now.

“You asked for him to be saved by magic, and _I_ did everything I could.” Merlin replied.

“Everything as in everything you could do to kill him and get away with it.” 

“Let me rephrase that, _my lord_.” Merlin tried to sound as patient as he could.

“Out of all people, _I_ was the person who suffered most because of your father’s cruel nature. I was forced to live in fear _everyday_! I had to second-guess everything I did so I don’t end up on the pyre like every other sorcerer he killed.” He subconsciously started yelling. 

“And yet I couldn’t afford watching you lose him. I knew how much his presence mattered to you.” He pointed at Arthur who just stood with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You also knew that he would have had you executed the moment he knew you had magic. It was your perfect chance, Merlin.” 

“Will you just wake up?!” Merlin shouted, slamming his hand against the wall behind him, feeling the pain shoot up his arm at the contact. He let out a quivering breath, holding his arm to his chest. 

Arthur snickered at Merlin’s failed attempt to hold himself still. If what Arthur said is true, and it probably is, then he had no escape out of this.

“You said it yourself. He made you live in fear, and you were foolish enough to think that I’m any different than him.” He bristled. 

“You don’t get it, do you?” Merlin asked, a faint smile forming on his dry lips. “If I wanted Uther dead, he would have been long dead before then.” 

In a split second, Arthur roughly wrapped his hand around Merlin’s throat, making it harder for him to breathe.

“Don’t you dare speak his name with your filthy tongue.” He threatened, while Merlin struggled to take his hand off his throat. Arthur held his gaze for a few seconds, his grip tightening around Merlin, before he withdrew it.

Merlin coughed and gasped for air, his hands rubbing at his now throbbing neck. 

“Father might have made your life a living hell, and I’m here now to make sure your death is twice as worse.” 

“It’s funny how you keep saying that you’ll kill me, and yet here you are.” He managed to say, regaining his balance. Merlin eyed him up and down. “Can’t even bring yourself to do it.” 

“Don’t you worry about that.” Arthur chuckled, pulling out something from behind his back. 

Merlin’s eyes widened at the sight of it, his ears and cheeks heating up in panic. His heart thumped so loudly in his chest that he could hear it in his ears. That couldn’t be real. 

He did not see Arthur pull out a whip that has been hiding behind his back this whole time.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Merlin whispered, his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets.

“Stop me.” He opened his arms in a welcoming manner while maliciously eyeing him, “If you can.” 

“Arthur, listen to me.” Merlin tried to reason with him again. He secretly tried to cast a spell, but the sooner it started, the sooner it faded away. 

He hated how weak he was feeling. He hated the fury that burned inside him, begging to break out. 

“I’ve listened enough.” He snapped, extending the leather whip with his other hand and testing its strength. 

“ _You_ had a choice.” He said, slamming the threatening lash against the floor, causing Merlin to jump. 

He stepped back, but his feet were met with the solid wall, his whole body following. 

“And you chose to die a horrible death, Merlin.” 

“So, you’re going to flog me to death.” He concluded, his voice full of disgust and utter doubt.

“Flog you, yes. But to death? No.” He shook his head, looking uninterested in the idea. “You’re going to wish you never landed foot in this castle first.” Arthur was standing so close to him that he could feel the heat of his body radiating off of him.

“You know, for someone who’s about to torture someone else, you talk too much.” 

“And you haven’t learned your lesson yet.” Arthur spat as he tripped Merlin with one leg, sending him down on his knees.

Pain shortly spread through his bones. He looked up at Arthur who was fixing his grip over his weapon. 

“I’m going to make you a deal, Merlin.” He announced.

He stayed silent, not showing a single hint of interest in what he was going to say.

“The longer you keep quiet, the sooner it will be over. But if I hear a single word from you, or even a cry, you won’t like what you get in return.” 

Merlin glared up at him, so much anger and hurt stirring inside him. He tried to use his magic again, but he only felt a faint buzz in his hands and it went away as quickly as smoke disappeared into thin air. He knew he didn’t stand a chance if he tried to fight Arthur. Besides, it would only make things worse for him. But he still gave his all and tried. He slowly rose to his feet and stared back at Arthur. There was not much room for him to chase Merlin in there if he tried to run; he didn’t even have enough energy, but he could dodge a few hits, right?

Arthur spared no time and his hand came flying down, the hard black leather connecting with his skin. He jumped at the sound, stepping to the side. The whip missed its right spot which was his shoulder and ended up barely touching his arm.

Up until this moment, it was hard for him to wrap his mind around what was happening. A voice deep down kept telling him that it wasn’t real, Arthur would never do that to him. But with every second that passed, that voice faded into a mere whisper and what lasted was the harsh reality he saw with his own eyes and felt slicing through his skin. 

“Hold still.” Arthur warned, before he repeated the action.

Merlin couldn’t help but recoil again. It was a normal reflex, but Arthur did not seem to understand that.

“I said _hold still!_ ” He shouted.

Merlin ignored him and proceeded to get away. He had turned his back to Arthur and he almost regretted it the second he did. Sharp pain made its way to his back, causing him to double over. He has barely caught his breath when he felt another hit against his back, this time sending him straight to the ground.

“Thought you could run away?!” Arthur yelled as Merlin turned around, giving his back to the wall, saving it from more damage. He rolled up his sleeve and knelt down to be on eye-level with Merlin. 

His eyes went to Merlin’s chest, and his blood ran cold. He was still wearing his tunic, but the thin fabric did him no favour. It was as if he wasn’t wearing anything, and Merlin could already feel the coldness in his back from where the whip had ripped it. 

“I told you to hold still, but you didn’t listen. Now you’re going to pay.” He drew his lips in a thin line. His hand went up to Merlin’s chest but Merlin caught it halfway. His short moment of victory didn’t last because Arthur twisted his hand back and yanked it away. 

He tore his shirt, revealing the blood-stained gauze that was carefully placed by Gaius. Merlin pushed himself back away from his grip, until his back hit the furthest wall. His eyes teared up at the stinging pain he felt in his back. He could feel the dampness of blood sticking his shirt to his skin as he sat there. 

“Stop _fighting_.” Arthur scowled as he dragged Merlin by his feet back to him. He accidentally let out a whimper at the friction of his wounded skin against the rough floor.

Arthur removed the piece of white cloth, revealing the long gash he _himself_ caused. His eyes shone with horrifying joy as they flickered between Merlin’s face and his bare chest before he stood up.

“Arthur, don’t.” Merlin whispered from where he lay on the ground. His arms were hovering over his still freshly hurt skin, protecting it from what might happen.

But Arthur didn’t listen. “ _Move_.” 

“I don’t—“

“Move or I’ll make you.” He fastened his hand around the flogger, readying himself.

Merlin shakily uncovered his chest, his heart in his throat. He screwed his eyes shut and braced himself for the agonising pain that he was about to endure. He chewed on the insides of his cheeks to prevent himself from making any sounds, but he failed.

An unearthly scream escaped his throat when the leather glided against his chest _twice_. He rolled to his side in pain, tears wetting his cheeks. His hands went up to the newly created slits in his chest, his fingers shaking furiously as he pulled them back only to find them covered in blood. 

“Don’t even think that you _didn’t deserve_ that.” Arthur hissed. “I hope you have learned your lesson by now, Merlin.” 

Merlin stayed silent, too pained to move an inch.

“I’ll see you at the pyre, by the first strike of light. _That is_ if you make it until dawn.” He carelessly stated, seconds before Merlin heard the door being slammed and locked after him. 

Merlin drew in short shaky breaths, looking down at his bleeding body as it heaved up and down while he breathed. Fresh tears welled up in his eyes when he tried to move from where he laid on his side, hating how vulnerable he must be looking. Out of all the scenarios that would cross his mind every time he thought about telling Arthur everything, none of what happened ever occurred to him. 

His heart rate picked up when his ears caught the sound of footsteps nearing him again. But the louder it got, the less anxious he felt. He knows those light limpy footsteps all too well. He quickly wiped his tears away, but regretted it when his eyes fell on his blood-stained hands. Now he was almost fully covered in dry blood. 

“Good lord!” The old man gasped, rushing to Merlin. “Are you alright?” 

Merlin managed to heave himself up to his feet through some hisses here and there, leaning onto the metal door for support. He worried if Arthur decided to come back any second for god-knows-why, and saw Gaius down here, it would not end well.

“Gaius, you can’t be here, if—”

“He didn’t see me.” Gaius assured, tapping Merlin’s hand that was gripping the bars. 

“As soon as I heard about what Arthur did, I knew I had to look into it.” He quietly said, his eyes showing how guilty he felt for not coming for him first. But that wasn’t what mattered to Merlin now.

“What did you find?” Merlin asked, feeling his knees weaken by the second.

“You were right.” He started. “Arthur is not aware of what he is doing. He might have his memories, but none of his doings is actually him.”

“Obviously.” Merlin half-heartedly smiled, referring to his state.

Gaius sadly looked at him, following what he meant before he spoke again. “According to what I read in the book, there’s only one way that can bring back Arthur.”

“What is it, Gaius?” Merlin asked, eager to put an end to these awful events.

“He has to remember something that is very dear to his heart. Something that only the real Arthur would hold onto.” Gaius explained, and Merlin’s heart sank, because he tried that before, and even though Arthur remembered, he still couldn’t bring him back.

“I can—I can do this,” He sucked in a deep breath, his eyes screwing shut at the pain he felt as a result. “I guess.” 

“Hang in there, boy.” Gaius comforted, stretching his hand through a gap between the bars and softly rubbed his hair. The simple gesture brought short lived warmth to his torn insides, before the pain took over again. 

“You’re stronger than any other sorcerer. These walls cannot contain your great powers, Merlin. These will merely slow you down.” He reassuringly smiled.

“Doesn’t feel much like that, but thank you, Gaius.” Merlin weakly smiled at him. 

“You’ve got this.” He smiled one last time before he walked away, leaving Merlin to himself again.

He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or scared. On one hand, he knew how he could bring Arthur back, but he didn’t know if he could do it. Maybe Gaius is right, maybe when he gets out of this place he will be able to use his magic. His whole body hurt, and he didn’t know if he could survive through the night without blacking out. He knew he needed to sleep, but he was afraid that if he fell asleep, he wouldn’t be able to wake up at the right time. He sat on the floor, and leaned on his good side, wrapping his arms around himself. His teeth shuddered as he sat there resting against the wall. 

His eyelids were heavy, and he struggled to keep them open, until he eventually gave in the sleep that forced itself onto him leaving him with one thought.

He has to save Arthur once again, not from any threatening danger, but from himself.

Merlin was startled awake by the sounds of metal clinking as the guards opened the door to his cell. His stomach turned at the realisation that it was time. The faint sunlight shone through the small window, reminding Merlin that it is sunrise. It was time for his execution; the last chance for him to save Arthur and himself.

They forced him up to his feet, and his bones ached from the harsh night he had. They didn’t care that his tunic was ripped open with dry blood staining it. They didn’t care that he was barely able to let his own feet carry him. In spite of the ache he felt, he could still feel the presence of the gift that rested inside him, giving him hope.

He was dragged by the guards who had both of his wrists cuffed all the way up to where he was supposed to meet his death. An overwhelming feeling washed over him at the sight of the pyre all set up, waiting for him. 

His eyes immediately went up to Arthur, who stood unfazed. His ruthless glare burned through Merlin the longer he looked. 

“I wish to speak to the king.” Merlin addressed the guards as they tied him to the stake.

One of them glanced at him in disgust. “The king said no wishes are to be granted for a sorcerer, let alone a traitor like you.”

Merlin’s nostrils flared in anger; he knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. He gathered up his strength and tried to stop the guards, but his attempt was in vain. 

He wasn’t feeling strong enough yet to knock them out of his way as they tied his hands behind his back. It all felt like it was happening in slow motion as they pushed Merlin down to his knees while a man held up the torch and was about to light it, when Gaius’ words rang in Merlin’s ears.

  
_You’re stronger than any other sorcerer. These walls cannot contain your great powers, Merlin._

“As King of Camelot, I charge you guilty of using sorcery and committing treason!” Arthur’s voice roared, his eyes never leaving Merlin’s.

Merlin closed his eyes and tried once again. When he opened them, his glower sent the torch flying out of the man’s hand, and the guards who were holding him knocked out of his way. Merlin’s eyes landed on Gaius who stood behind Arthur to his right. 

The guy grabbed another torch and tried to light it, but Merlin was quick to shove him away. He saw Gaius whispering something to Arthur, before he rolled his eyes and disappeared inside.

Seconds later, he was descending the stairs and on his way to Merlin. He stepped onto the pyre and held a torch of his own.

“Let’s hear more of your nonsense before I light this up.” Arthur sighed, motioning to the pile of wood with the already lit torch in his hand. 

“I’m only doing this because I know I won’t get it over with until you say what you want.”

Merlin swallowed hard, trying to ignore what he said, and telling himself the one thing that has gotten him this far. _That is not Arthur_. He chose his next words carefully, remembering all the things he thought could be of importance to Arthur, just as much as they were to him.

“In all the times we have fought together, side by side, I always put your life before mine.” Merlin started, looking up at Arthur through his wide eyes.

“But sometimes it worked the other way around.” He slightly smiled as the memories flooded his mind, but Arthur’s expression stayed the same. A confused, bored one.

“Remember the time when we were in Gedref? We were both forced to drink from one goblet, and one of us had to die. You didn’t let me do it, Arthur.”

Arthur scoffed, but didn’t say a thing. His eyes searched Merlin’s, like he was fighting something, and Merlin knew then that he was on the right path.

“The poisoned Chalice? You disobeyed your father, risked your life, and accepted the consequences, all to save my life.”

“The time you decided to face the Dragon till death, and told me that no man is worth my tears?” Merlin tilted his head to the side, looking for any changes in Arthur. “And I said that you definitely aren’t? I was wrong.” He shook his head, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“When you died,” His hand writhed behind his back, the rough rope digging into the sensitive skin as he fought the urge to cry. “I couldn’t bear the thought of living in a world where you weren’t in it. I couldn’t let you slip away after what we have been through; after you knew about me.”

Merlin watched him closely, as his grip tightened around the wooden torch. His jaw was clenched tight, and Merlin could see the muscles twitching. Arthur’s eyes were glossy with tears, a mixture of anger, hurt, and sadness vividly clear. He could see the battle Arthur was fighting within himself. He could see Arthur’s true self fighting to reach the surface and break free. Merlin continued.

“The last thing you told me before you—before you died, about myself,” He struggled to repeat the words as they were too painful for him to remember. “You said that I should never change, Arthur, and that you—”

“I want you to always be you.” Arthur whispered; the tears that were pooling in his eyes finally falling as he said the words.

Merlin stared in anticipation, waiting for any other changes to tell him that, _yes, you did it. You brought him back_. Arthur stared at the wooden rod in his hand with a puzzled expression on his face, before he looked down at Merlin.

“Merlin?” Arthur whispered, panic starting to show in his eyes. He tossed the torch away from his hand, and looked around him, trying to understand what was happening.

His eyes were as wide as Merlin has ever seen them as he took a look at the state he was in. Merlin could tell by the looks of it, that Arthur was having a hard time realising what he was doing.

“Arthur,” Merlin weakly called. “It’s okay.” He nodded, a small smile forming on his lips, even though it was far from okay. 

Merlin’s eyes kept abruptly falling shut, and he tried his best to fight and keep them open.

Arthur didn’t listen and bent down beside him, untying his hands. Merlin nodded at Gaius, who was quick to catch onto what he was thinking, and in seconds, he was by their side. Arthur was silent, but Merlin could see the tears that kept sliding down his face as he struggled to untie him. Merlin’s breathing was becoming heavier by the second, and he was having a hard time keeping his back straight instead of leaning forward. 

Gaius held Arthur and escorted him inside, and away from the eyes of the people that stood in silence, probably having no idea what just happened. And that was the last thing he saw before everything faded into a sea of blackness.

What felt like hours later, Merlin’s eyes fluttered open. He was now lying in his bed back in Gaius’ chambers. His upper body was wrapped in white gauze, splotches of crimson red seeping through the fabric that hugged his chest. He had his wrists wrapped in soft cotton pieces of clothes from the damage the tight ropes and metal cuffs did to his hands. He wasn’t in much pain as earlier, and his lips immediately pulled into a smile at the work Gaius did. 

The door slowly opened, and relief washed over the old man’s face when he saw Merlin awake.

“Glad to see that you’re awake.” He smiled, resting a hand on Merlin’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” 

He felt the need to stay alone just for the moment. He felt like he couldn’t be around Arthur without thinking of what they went through today, and that wasn’t fair, because Merlin knew all too well that all what Arthur did was not true. It wasn’t him. It was his dark phantom; one that Merlin never wishes to encounter again, nor for Arthur to experience something like that again. 

“I’m alright.” He blinked.

On second thought, Merlin believed that now Arthur was back, he would have a harder time learning about what happened and what he did. Nevertheless, Merlin promised himself that he would be by his side through it all.

“How is Arthur?” He asked, as Gaius tapped his face with a cold cloth.

“He’s doing okay.” Gaius avoided his gaze as he answered.

Merlin stared at him knowingly, waiting for him to actually say the truth.

“Fine,” Gaius sighed in defeat. “He’s twice as bad as you are.”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’m alright.” He tried to reassure him, but the series of coughs that followed did not prove his point.

“Your fever is worse than ever, Merlin. Your skin is drenched in sweat, yet you can’t seem to stop shaking.” Gaius dropped the cloth he was using into a bowl of water next to Merlin’s head.

Merlin hadn’t really noticed it until his eyes went down to his pale hands that rested on either side of him, and they were indeed trembling. He curled them to stop the unwanted shakiness and shot Gaius a smile. “See? It will go away on its own. You should be ashamed of yourself for seeking comfort from your patient, _court physician_.” 

Gaius softly laughed and shook his head. He looked at Merlin deeply, before he asked again. “Are you sure you’re alright?” And Merlin nodded.

Gaius raised his right eyebrow at him in a questioning manner.

“I’m fine, really. It’s just—I don’t know if I would be able to see him now, after all what happened.”

“I understand,” He nodded. “And I know that he wants to see you just as much, but give each other some time. I gave him a sleeping draught and he should be awake in an hour or two.”

Merlin nodded, slightly smiling at the image of Arthur peacefully sleeping.

“Thank you.” Merlin smiled at the old man as he stood up and left Merlin some space to himself.

Merlin spent the whole time in his bed, Gaius checking up on him every now and then. He checked his wounds more than once, and was relieved when he found no signs of infection. 

Later that night, after Gaius helped Merlin sit up in bed, checked his temperature for the hundredth time, and after Merlin convinced him that he would apply the cold soaking wet cloth to his face if his temperature didn’t go down, he finally went to sleep.

As for Merlin, sleep wasn’t much of an appealing choice. His mind kept going back to Arthur. Has he woken up yet? What happened when he did? If he has already woken up, why isn’t he here? Merlin’s heart hammered in his chest at the thought of seeing him alone, even though it was the one thing he wanted the most.

His eyes darted to the door when it opened, and his heart nearly jumped out of its place. 

“You’re not Gaius.” Merlin almost slapped himself on the face for saying that, because _yes, that’s not Gaius_ , and Arthur’s eyes looked away awkwardly at his remark, before he spoke up.

“Can I come in?” He hesitantly asked as he stood by the door.

“Of—Of course.” Merlin breathed, thinking that he misheard the king of Camelot asking for permission to enter his manservant’s room.

Merlin’s bed wasn’t that big, so when Arthur sat on ‘the edge’, he was pretty much sitting next to him, their thighs almost touching. As if his skin wasn’t already flaming hot, Merlin felt his cheeks heat up at the proximity.

“I don’t know what to say.” Arthur spoke, his eyes skimming over the floor.

“There’s nothing really—”

“No, Merlin.” Arthur argued, his tone calm, void of any anger. It was just him. “Don’t try to tell me that there’s nothing to be said, or that ‘it’s okay’. Because it’s not.” He said, referring to the first thing Merlin said when Arthur came back to his senses.

Merlin stayed silent, not knowing how to respond.

“I remember everything I did.” He admitted and Merlin’s stomach dropped. 

He didn’t want him to remember what he did. It wouldn’t do him any good.

“Arthur—”

“I tried to kill you, Merlin. More than once.” He gaped at him.

Merlin lowered his gaze and finally said the thing that has been holding him together since the start out loud, “It wasn’t you.”

“Which makes it even scarier for me! I could have killed you.” He lowered his head to meet Merlin’s eyes.

“And you didn’t.” Merlin softly smiled.

“Do you know what it felt like? For me to suddenly find myself standing over you on the pyre with a lit torch in my hand?” Arthur’s voice was full of true emotion as he spoke, his neck veins showing.

He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t cold, he wasn’t lecturing Merlin. He was just honest; vulnerable even.

“You wouldn’t have done it.” Merlin pushed.

“How can you be so sure?!” He asked, clearly too surprised at how calm Merlin was being.

Merlin gathered himself together and drew his shaky hand towards Arthur’s chest, right where he felt his heart beating under his touch. 

Arthur watched him intently as he rested his hand there for a few seconds, before he retreated it after answering Arthur’s question.

“This. I knew the good in your heart would not fail me.”

“Oh, Merlin…” Arthur whispered, and Merlin followed his gaze. He lowered his head when he found that Arthur was looking at his throat, probably where the bruises of his hand were showing.

“I will never forgive myself.” His shoulders slumped, hurt filling his eyes when Merlin looked down, to hide it.

“You have to.” Merlin uttered. “For I have forgiven you, Arthur Pendragon.” 

Arthur stared back at him in astonishment, his lips parted in speechlessness. Merlin could see his eyes glistening with tears, but they never fell.

“What can I ever do to repay you, Merlin?” He softly asked.

“Hold me.” Merlin whispered; his eyes fixed anywhere else other than Arthur’s eyes. “Just-- hold me.” 

He could see from his peripheral vision that Arthur stayed like that for a few moments, and Merlin wasn’t sure what to expect from him at this point. He didn’t want to expect anything anymore. The weight of the bed dipped closer to him, and Arthur’s arms carefully found their way around Merlin’s thin figure. It took him a few seconds to wrap his arms back around Arthur, struggling not to let out any sounds that showed he was in pain. 

At this moment, Merlin let himself melt into the embrace he has so much longed for. Merlin’s chin rested in the crook of Arthur’s neck and his eyes softly closed. He felt the warmth spread through his insides the longer Arthur held onto him. He heard him repeatedly whispering ‘I’m so sorry’ that Merlin had to pull back just enough to see his face.

“What happened is in the past.” Merlin assured, wiping a tear that was about to pour out of his right eye.

Arthur’s arms were still securely locked around him, filling him with love and safety.

“Why are you making this so hard?” He asked, his eyes still filled with pain. “You’re not supposed to be _this_ forgiving. Look at you, Merlin. Look at what I did.” One of his hands went up to Merlin’s neck, fingers softly tracing the purplish-red marks on it. Merlin slightly flinched at the touch and Arthur immediately withdrew his hand and rested it around him again.

“It’s what you do when you love someone.” Merlin breathed, with no second thoughts. He felt his heart beating so hard that it could stop at any second after what he just said. 

And it stopped when Arthur’s lips found his. Merlin was frozen for a second, before his mind actually processed what was happening. He kissed him back and let his eyes close. Arthur’s hands went up to Merlin’s cheeks, cupping them, before they pulled away, both of them staring into each other’s eyes with thousands of unspoken words and emotions. Merlin saw admiration and awe in Arthur’s eyes.

“So,” Arthur broke their eye contact, awkwardly looking down at Merlin’s hands that rested on his thighs now. 

Merlin took them away at once, feeling his insides float like a heap of butterflies, but Arthur’s stayed where they were, on his cheeks. His expression turned serious and Merlin panicked. 

“Your skin is on fire.” His hands were checking different parts of his face in a concerned manner that was rather funny to Merlin.

“Arthur,” Merlin chuckled, grabbing both of his hands to stop them from tapping his face. “It’s alright. It’s just a fever.” 

“No, it’s not. Lie down.” He urged.

“Excuse me?” 

“Lie down, it’s an order.” He got up, and went over to where the bowl of water that rested beside the bed.

“Yeah, I kind of need a little help with that.” Merlin winced in an attempt to adjust himself to lie down again. 

Arthur was quick to help him until he was comfortable and sat down beside him again, applying the icy fabric onto Merlin’s forehead, letting his hand rest there for a while. 

“Wipe that look off your face, Merlin.” Arthur rolled his eyes, although he himself was smiling. 

Silence fell between them while Arthur sat there with Merlin laying in bed. “There’s something I want to ask you.” He suddenly said.

Merlin’s stomach churned at his tone, dreading what the question would be about. He was secretly wishing they wouldn’t talk about it. Merlin softly moved his head, encouraging him to ask.

“What you said about me,” His eyes were fixed on Merlin’s hand that was next to his leg as he spoke. “About my birth, is it true?” He sounded as if he already knew it was true, but he was trying until this very moment to deny it. 

Merlin placed his hand on top of his, and whispered. “I’m sorry.”

But not for the fact that he was born out of magic. 

“I’m sorry for the false beliefs your father planted in your head about magic.”

“I’m the one who should be apologising for what he put you through, but I swear, you won’t--”

“I know you well enough to know that you’re nothing like him.” Merlin cut him off. “You’re the greatest king this kingdom has ever had and ever will.” 

“I’m glad you’re here, Merlin.” He half-smiled, looking intently at him.

Arthur flipped the cloth on Merlin’s forehead, and gently wiped his face with it.

“So, Merlin,” Arthur fondly called, a smile finding its way to his pink lips. “You did take me apart with less than one blow.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows, a sheepish grin covering his features. “Yes, _my lord_.”

They both burst out laughing, their laughs adding life to the silence of the night. This, right now, was everything. 

Him and Arthur together. 

Happy and free of the weights they both used to carry around on their shoulders for as long as they lived. Free of the weights their past threw at them, putting their relationship to tests they never thought they could bear. 

But they did; and right now, it was just him and his king. 

The way it should have always been. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) Your feedback would be appreciated <3


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